The Battle of the Bulbs, part one. "The Set up"

Attention America!!!!!

Not since the days of Henry Ford and Thomas Edison with the help of their new invention (the assembly line) has man had the ability to make thousands of an item and make them all exactly the same, and not since the days of Chevy Chase and Tim Allen has man had the ability to destroy thousands of an item in exactly the same way.

Yes. Folks, looking at the calendar it appears we are once again in that time in history known as light wars, or Chistmas lights, or as we call it in Port Gamble, "The Battle of the Bulbs."

I'm not sure how the masses in Port Gamble through the years have had Christmas lights without a competition, but that has got to come to an end. Why, now that all we have to deal with is LED bulbs (light emitting diodes) instead of the old tungston style, burns are a thing of the past and all we have left to avoid is ladders, (and an occasional burned out transformer!)

So at various locations today, men of many of the households of Port Gamble discussed who might want to be involved and what the chances are of winning the Battle might be.

First, of course, we decided early on that we would not set criterea for beating your neighbor until we knew what everyone's strengths are. So those are probably to be discussed over coffee or a beer later, perhaps after everyone has flipped his last switch. And we also dicussed finding an impartial way of judging, which could involve such things as comparing electric bills for December, or even comparing the heat emission of lights shown on satelight photos. But why worry about that yet? First we need to identify some of the players. What follows is not a list of all the people who can win, only the ones who's egos would make sure they were willing to get involved.

Me) I'm new at this which gives me an advantage ... you don't know how good I am at this, so you won't feel threatened and thus won't keep watching. I have two venues at stake, Quilted Strait and our house.

ERIC), also new this year. He took me on a tour of the General Store today and does he have an armament! The entire third floor is full of lights and trees, and he has a full complement of employees and friends coming over on Friday night to help decorate. A top contender.

GREG), the "old timer" at this in this town, having done a "solo" battle for years so we assume he is ready for the real thing. Normally I would fear him the most, but if he's been doing solo, then I would expect him to drop out early, probably with a case of no-staying-power.

JANICE), a top contender if "class" is a criteria. But I don't think girls really know how to compete in this game. No, I shouldn't say that. I don't think girls really know how to win in this game. No, I shouldn't say that either. How about "I don't think guys really know how to let a girl play this game" Yeah. That's it.

SHIELA), another contender with class, but the additional burder of moving soon might make it more difficult to play. On the other hand, that might make it more rewarding.

SEAN), would be a rough candidate, but his venue lacks space to really stack the deck. Only one coffee stand is a terrible handicap.

Mike), especially since Steffi will probably be helping. If she puts her mind to it, look out.

SCOTT). Now there is a man with no time. He's playing Scrooge here at Port Gamble (7 performances, on the stage in the top floor of the post office), so he might not have enough time to play. However, he does have a full complement of kids and has a huge playing field (house) so with his direction they might do well.

Anyone may enter at any time. If we see you with more than two ladders out at a time, we will assume you are in it for the rewards.


Just  add Snoopy to the roof .....


And we will be watching and making reports, so don't let down!!! And remember, Tom and his crew of maintenance people will take care of holes in the roof, doors broken, etc.